You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
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