my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
