Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
Randomize
