It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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