So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Randomize
