I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
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