I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
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