He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
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