I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
Randomize
