he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
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I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
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I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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