dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
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