I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
