so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Randomize
