dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Randomize
