Cold hands, warm shart.
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
Randomize
