sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
