I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
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