They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Randomize
