I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
