The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
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My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
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i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
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