I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know, be my cock's hype man.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
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