god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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