I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
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