apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
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