"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
Randomize
