im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
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