people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
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