Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
jump out the window naked night went bad
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