Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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