Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
I queefed so loud it echoed.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
I am naked and annoyed.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
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