Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
