So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
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