Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Randomize
