never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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