Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
