I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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