Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Randomize
