I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
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