I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
Randomize
