I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Randomize
