I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
