Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
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