When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
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