I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
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