You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
