I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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