marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Randomize
