why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
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