whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
