3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
