I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
Randomize
