i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
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