i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
