i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
