im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
It's shark week go big or go home
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
