Only a mothe r could love this liver
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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