Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
