I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Randomize
