My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
