did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
Randomize
