dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
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