Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
