I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Randomize