Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
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I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
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There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
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